Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Vast Crystal Caverns Manor Mysterious

I will be updating this page each time we play.I will be logging what modications have worked for playing between The Crystal Caverns and The Mysterious Manor. I will also be putting down questions that I wish to figure out the answer to. You can view all of the times we have played and which role won the game by clicking here and going to the tab called "Vast" at the bottom.

Paladin in Crystal Caverns

Should vaults be used as a replacement for shrines or are shrines unimportant enough to just ignore them? We ignored them first time playing Goblins versus Paladin in the Crystal Caverns. I won as the Paladin, so maybe shrines would have been over-powered, but it seems unlikely as it is quite possible I only would have had a single opportunity to use a shrine anyway.
Can Goblins remove lamps somehow? (We are assuming that lamps stop goblins since lamps stop skeltons.)
We brought forcewalls into Crystal Caverns since one of the Paladin's favor cards allows the placement of forcewalls. This seemed useful, but not overly powerful.
Paladin gains two grit for smashing crystals.
Since we are playing two player, Goblins versus Paladin, there is no dragon. Hence, the Paladin is gaining a fury each turn that he does not smash a crystal.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

The Millennial Generation: Why They're Such A Mess

The Millennial Generation is one of the most damaged generations the world has ever seen. This generation didn’t grow up with an increasing desire to be on this planet and to create a beautiful reality, but rather, a growing dread of “adulting.”
The simple reason for this was the horrific notion that babies should be allowed to cry so that they wouldn’t grow into “spoiled” children.
Books like The Continuum Concept demonstrate that the opposite is true: babies who are held continually for the first nine months of their life experience what it is like to be a passive, loved observer of the world through felt-perception. Such babies naturally become curious about the world instead of anxious, lonely, and depressed.
I was born in 1989 to two very well-meaning parents. They wanted to raise “the perfect baby” and so they read all the modern books on parenting which encouraged them to let me wail. Now, in my thirties, I’m still working to undo the damage through consciousness alchemy practices such as The Completion Process.
When a baby is left to cry they experience the world as one of utter horror. There is no relief. There is no belief that anyone will ever come. The crying child experiences the world in total grief. Without a concept of object-permanence there is no way to understand that “Mom will be right back.” This isolating, horrifying experience primes the limbic system in the brain for an ongoing stress response that will last for life if it is not treated with some form of consciousness alchemy. This isn’t just flowery language with some scientific terms sprinkled in, this is scientifically verified truth.
For more about developmental trauma, read my article: Developmental Trauma.
Because millennials didn’t experience an appropriate series of loving, curiosity-inducing events as babies, they didn’t grow into children who willingly took on responsibilities. Instead, every revelation about what it took to be an adult was met with dawning horror.
Age four: “I have to learn to wipe myself?”
Age six: “I have to go to school?”
Age ten: “But washing dishes makes my legs itch and hurt!”
Age sixteen: “Sinks require cleaning?! I thought the water flowing over them took care of that!”
Age seventeen: “What do you mean I have to pay taxes?”
Age twenty-one: “You mean I have to spend my own money on taking care of myself?!”
Taking on responsibilities is a natural process in a healthy upbringing. Within a loving community, a child will have natural curiosity about what the adults are doing and want to join in. Communal hunting, cooking, cleaning, building, and crafting are natural features of tribal living, and children at the age of three are already experimenting with joining the labor force. They may try for thirty seconds, get bored, and do something else. Yet by the time these children reach puberty they are already happily engaged in almost all of the same activities as adults without feeling any resentment, hurt, or fear about it. On the contrary, they feel confident, sure of their place, and experience a deep sense of belonging.
By lacking that first experience of being loved as a passive baby, we remain (to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the severity of the trauma and the extent of healing since then) babies, still requiring someone to care for us, hold us, feed us, and so on. Modern psychology is still catching up to this reality. Self-help books will practically shout at you to “grow up” but that’s just the problem – you can’t just grow up by merely deciding overnight to do so.* You must have the experience that you missed. The solution is to become a baby again and experience someone loving you the way your mother should have loved you.
*You may think that you can choose to grow up overnight because many people appear to do so by utilizing their ability to repress aspects of themselves more deeply. Basically, making this choice is fully identifying with your parents who mistreated you as a baby and continuing to abandon that aspect of yourself all the more fully.
As Teal Swan is always saying: “To heal is to experience the opposite.” You must have the opposite experience of being neglected, isolated, and afraid.
For more about this, I recommend several books and videos which I have linked below:
  • The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff
  • The Anatomy of Loneliness by Teal Swan
  • Childhood Disrupted
  • What’s Wrong with Millenials by Teal Swan
  • Healing the Emotional Body by Teal Swan
  • Emotional Wake-up Call by Teal Swan

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Ishmael by Daniel Quinn – Book Summary & Reflections

There are very few books so good that I would read them three times. Ishmael is one of those books. I read it the first time in my early twenties, again a few years later, and again at the age of thirty-one. Each time it was like a new revelation – so packed with important, perspective-shifting concepts that it shook my world. And brought tears to my eyes.
On the first read through I kept expecting there to be an outline or summary of the “Taker Mythology” all in one place, but the concepts are spread all over the book. On my third reading I took notes. Now I shall outline the Taker Story and the alternative – the Leaver Story. We'll begin (as the book does) with the story of the Takers.
The Taker Mythology

The Creation Myth (according to Taker Culture)

Billions of years ago there was a big bang and the universe came into being. Millions of years ago the Earth developed life in its oceans, some of which evolved onto land. The world filled up with fish, insects, and mammals. One such special mammal evolved into man.

Man's Destiny (according to Taker Culture)

Our creation myth demonstrates that life was not complete until man came. This is because man's destiny was to conquer the world and rule it. Man could not become fully human if he did not pull himself from the slime. Man had to tame the wild jungles of the Earth and set himself apart. He had the choice between a brief life of glory or a long, uneventful life of obscurity. Naturally, man aimed for glory.
Man didn't recognize his destiny for the first three million years of his existence. It wasn't until the agricultural revolution that man began to see his potential. Man finally knew himself to be independent from the wiles of nature. He took his life into his own hands. Some indigenous cultures still have not adopted this revolution today, but these peoples are quaint at best, and savages at worst, unaware that man is meant for greater things.
Man's destiny could not be realized within the confines of hunter-gatherer living. Man took life into his own hands, leaving nothing to chance. People who still live their life in the hand's of God and not in their own hands are foolish.

The Price for Becoming Human (according to Taker Culture)

We're destroying the ozone layer, we're changing the climate, we're ruining the oceans, but all of that is ultimately the price for man's glory. We can't help it because we need our indoor plumbing, central heating, air conditioning, cars, and cell phones.

Ishmael

“The price you're paying is not the price for becoming human. It's not the price for the things you've just mentioned. The Sumerians had indoor plumbing long before the Roman empire even existed. The price you're paying is for enacting a story that casts mankind as the enemy of the world.”

Man's Flaw (according to Taker Culture)

Man was born to turn the wild world into a paradise, but he was created with a tragic flaw. His destiny has been spoiled by his stupidity, greed, destructiveness, and shortsightedness.

Ishmael

“There's nothing fundamentally wrong with people. Given a story to enact that puts them in accord with the world, they will live in accord with the world. Given a story to enact them puts them at odds with the world, as yours does, they will live at odds with the world. Given a story to enact in which they are the lords of the world, they will act like lords of the world. Given a story to enact in which the world is a foe to be conquered, they will conquer it like a foe, and one day, inevitably, their foe will lie bleeding to death at their feet, as the world is now.”

Futility (according to Taker Culture)

Nothing can be done. Man is flawed, so he keeps on screwing up what should be paradise. Man doesn't know how to live so as to stop screwing up paradise, and nobody has the answer. All that can be done is carrying on with life as it is, watching the catastrophe as it comes.

The One Right Way To Live (according to Taker Culture)

There is no clarity on the one right way to live, but we know it exists. Hence, we have prophets who come to tell us what that one right way is. If we could only master this one right way to live then we would overcome our flaws and be able to fulfill our destiny and turn to the world into paradise. We can observe how lions live, and how wombats and gazelle live, but this information doesn't help us because we are special and different and the laws that apply to other animals don't apply to us.

Ishmael

“If man knew how to live, then it would include knowing how to live as flawed beings. The flaw in man is not a flaw in man at all, but a flaw in Taker culture, and that flaw is that man does not know how to live.”
“Man is not exempt from the laws of gravity, aerodynamics, genetics, or thermodynamics. There is a law of life which he is also not exempt from, but those in the Taker culture are not yet aware of this law or their defiance of it. They are in free fall toward a crash, but they think they are flying.”

Man's Nature (according to Taker Culture)

Prior to all this buzz about evolution, it was obvious to Taker culture that agriculture, settlement, and the elimination of competition was simply man's nature. It was believed that indigenous people had somehow fell from their previous grandeur. It was believed that these savages must somehow be defective, degenerate. Taker culture was not aware that there was anything at all prior to their agricultural revolution. They didn't think of it as a revolution, but rather as the birth of man.
Enacting A Story
“You remember when I said that to enact a story is to live so as to make it come true?” Ishmael asks.
“Yes.”
“According to the Taker story, creation came to an end with man.”
“Yes. So?”
“How would you live so as to make that come true? How would you live so as to make creation come to an end with man?”
“Oof. I see what you mean. You would live the way the Takers live. We're definitely living in a way that's going to put an end to creation. If we go on, there will be no successor to man, no successor to chimpanzees, no successor to orangutans, no successor to gorilla – no successor to anything alive now. The whole thing is going to come to an end with us.”
Takers versus Leavers
Let's look at some critical differences between Taker culture and Leaver peoples – the indigenous peoples.

Eliminating Competition

Takers exterminate their competition. This is the holy work of farmers – kill off everything you can't eat. Kill off anything that eats what you eat. Kill off anything that doesn't feed what you eat. The more competitors you destroy, the more food you can raise for humans, and the more food for humans, the more human babies can be born into the world.
Takers do not merely say that they want a rack of bananas and take a rack of bananas for themselves. They also look around at any insects or animals who also want bananas and kill those insects and animals in order to have all the bananas for themselves.
In the wild it is true that animals defend their territory and they occasionally kill (and eat) creatures who also kill their other prey, but while an elephant may occasionally trample a lion, elephants never go out to trample lions, and they certainly never seek out the zebra who enjoy many of the same foods. Ranchers will go out of their way to kill foxes or wolves that might hurt their cattle or chickens. Ranchers will cut down trees that spring up on their grazing fields.
Wild animals will kill in self-defense at times, even if they merely feel threatened. A baboon may attack a leopard that it is afraid of, but baboons do not go out hunting for leopards – they go out hunting for food.
Farmers don't just plant an acre of the food they want to grow. They use poisons to kill of competing plants and insects that eat the plants. They create large swaths of land that bare no resemblance to the diversity of life present in nature. These monocrops are food deserts for bees when they aren't in blossom, and for thousands of other creatures. These farms provide food exclusively for human consumption. No other creatures are allowed to live a normal, thriving existence on a human farm – with the exception of perhaps a few certain bacterium.
Going back to bananas: Taker culture doesn't stop at killing off insects and creatures that compete for bananas. Taker culture kills off any plant life that competes with bananas. Taker culture even goes so far as to say, “It doesn't matter if you require bananas to survive as a species because all the bananas are ours.” It's a three-fold elimination of competition.

Population Control

In an indigenous culture it is clear how many resources there are for the tribe and if the tribe can grow safely. If it can not increase its population without expanding its territory, then it may have to go to war with a neighboring tribe as many Native American tribes did. If a tribe suffered a drought, they may have to move somewhere else to find more food. If the drought lasted for years, the weakest members may have died. Balance would always come rapidly, the number of people in an area matching the resources at hand.
In the modern world, we shy away from death and starvation. We want to save all the starving people in the world, so we send them food from another part of the world where resources are more plentiful. Unfortunately, this food leads to expansion in population. Every increase in food production leads to an increase in population somewhere, so that even as population declines in some countries, it booms in other countries. While food production increases and the population increases, we see a similar portion of the world starving. We don't mitigate the issue with contraceptives, education, or laws prohibiting families with more than two children. We don't even create incentives for small families. Instead we welcome every new baby – even if it means we still have to stay on the treadmill of the ever-expanding agricultural revolution that has already swallowed the majority of the planet's indigenous peoples and millions of species besides.

Cultural Amnesia

Taker culture doesn't carry forward what it learns about how people should live. It carries forward technology – how to build things, how to cook things, how to carry things – but it does not pass on wisdom. Even from generation to generation, Taker culture merely manages to pass on the message that man is meant to rule the world and make it a paradise, but man is tragically flawed. The ego and guilt are passed on. Taker culture invents laws about how people should live, but it makes these decisions based on formulations invented by individuals and committees. These concepts about how people should live aren't decided based on the trial-and-error that occurs over generations, or even over hundreds of years, but rather, the laws are invented with a few strokes of the pen or keyboard.
Among the Leaver peoples, everything is slowly accumulated and then passed on. There is knowledge about how to make clothing and how to hunt certain animals, but there is much more. There is knowledge about how to treat one another and how to treat the Earth, and this wisdom is refined for thousands of years and is specific to the tribe. Each tribe has wisdom that pertains to its climate, its region, and its people. There is a sense of camaraderie with the ancestors of the tribe that goes back to the dawn of time. There is no separation between the people of today and the people of twenty thousand years ago because they have been refining their same culture this whole time. They didn't abruptly depart from the past as Taker culture did – which leads us to our next difference.

Our Relationship With Ancient History

Taker culture presumes that to live a hunter-gatherer lifestyle one must live in poverty. Taker culture looks back on history and says that all that came before agriculture is dreck.
Yet, on the contrary, hunter-gatherers were wealthy in time and food. They didn't have to plant fields or irrigate them. They have been called “the first affluent society” because their lifestyle involved a few hours of work to obtain food each day, and the rest of the day was free to be spent as they pleased.
The Laws of Life

Healthy Competition

All creatures compete to survive, mate, and pass down their genes. This is how evolution occurs. But the law of the community of life goes like this: You may compete to the full extent of your capabilities, but you may not hunt down your competitors or destroy their food or deny them access to food. You may compete, but you may not wage war.
You must not wage war on your competition because doing so actually destroys the process of evolution by reducing diversity. Just like when a company has a monopoly or a patent on a given product, the quality goes down and/or the price goes up. When healthy competition and diversity exists, everyone in the community of life thrives. Without diversity, the entire community of life is highly vulnerable. A planet with a thousand species might lose all of its life forms in a single catastrophe, but a planet with millions of species may lose several hundred thousand species and still recover, regaining its diversity and resilience again over time.

Food Storage

Leaver peoples store food, just as every other creature on Earth does. Some creatures, such as squirrels and humans, store most of their food for the winter externally. Other creatures, such as trees and bears, store their food internally. Every creature must store food either inside their body or outside their body in order to survive droughts, winter storms, and other hardships. If a creature couldn't store any food at all, it would die as soon as it encountered a rough week.
The Leaver Life

Indigenous Philosophy

We are part of the community of life. We share the world with millions of other creatures, and each creature has its right to thrive. We take as much as we need, but no more than that.

Indigenous Prophets

We do not need prophets to tell us how to live because we know how to live. Our culture has been developed over millennia for this very climate, for this very landscape, for this very tribe. We do not have prophets because we do not need them.

The Way To Live

We have a way that works for us. It may be agriculture, it may be hunting, it may be herding animals. Our method works for us. We don't say it is the one right way to live. We don't believe in any one, right way. We simply know what we prefer.
Cain & Abel
The story of Cain and Abel does not appear in Ishmael directly, but it is discussed at length in chapter nine. The story is central to the message of the entire book.

Cain and Abel – Excerpts from Wikipedia

Eve conceived and bore Cain, and she said, “I have got me a man with the Lord.” She bore as well his brother Abel.
Abel became a herder of sheep while Cain was a tiller of the soil.
Cain brought from the fruit of the soil an offering to the Lord. Abel too had brought from his flock. The Lord regarded Abel and his offering but did not regard Cain and his offering. And Cain was very incensed.
The Lord said to Cain,
“Why are you incensed? For whether you offer well, or whether you do not, at the tent flap sin crouches, and for you is its longing, but you will rule over it.”
Cain said to Abel, “Let us go out to the field,” and when they were in the field Cain rose against Abel his brother and killed him.
The Lord said to Cain, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the soil. And so, cursed shall you be by the soil that gaped with its mouth to take your brother's blood from your hand. If you till the soil, it will no longer give you strength. A restless wanderer shall you be on the earth.”
Cain was intimate with his wife and she conceived and bore Enoch. Then he became the builder of a city.
The oldest known copy of the biblical narrative is from the Dead Sea Scrolls, and dates to the first century BCE. Cain and Abel also appear in a number of other texts; the story has various interpretations. Cain and Abel are likely symbolic rather than real. Some scholars suggest the pericope may have been based on a Sumerian story representing the conflict between nomadic shepherds and settled farmers. Modern scholars typically view the stories of Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel to be about the development of civilization during the age of agriculture; not the beginnings of man, but when people first learned agriculture, replacing the ways of the hunter-gatherer.

Agriculturists versus Herders or Hunters and Gatherers

Ishmael, the teacher in the book Ishmael, makes it clear that it isn't that agriculture itself is flawed. Instead, it is the culture that arose hand-in-hand with the agricultural revolution. It is the philosophy that Ishmael calls Taker culture which causes the devastation to the community of life.
Cain and Abel illustrate the deviation from living in accordance with the laws of nature. Abel is raising camels and/or goats, but he is not killing off all the wolves, lions, or panthers. Abel is feeding his family, but he is not conquering other people's and teaching them that his way is the one right way to live. Meanwhile, Cain is tilling soil and killing any plants or animals that get in his way. Cain is taking land from Abel and saying, “I need this land for my growing family. I require this to be my farmland. You can't bring your goats and camels here. You must leave and never return.” The Cains are killing the Abels ten thousand years ago, and the Cains and still killing the Abels of the world today.
In the rain forest in south America there are mega-dams being erected, one after another, that destroy the livelihoods of indigenous peoples and kill off hundreds of species. Each dam permanently changes the eco-system. The country that builds the dam gets hydro-power and increased economic growth for the wealthy people of the country, but meanwhile, Cain is killing Abel yet again.
“Far from providing clean energy, dams increase climate emissions by drowning forests and lead to corruption,” says International Rivers, a river protection group. “Rivers are seen by governments only as a resource, not as a source of livelihoods,” says Kate Horner, the group’s director. “Vast money is involved in these mega-projects and there are often implications of corruption. Seldom is anyone held responsible for the violence and intimidation that often accompanies dam building. The displacement of people has been vast, comparable to conflict-induced displacement. But there is not the same humanitarian response. Often there is no compensation paid – these people lose everything.”
Man's Alternative Destiny
“There is a sort of tendency in evolution, wouldn't you say? If you start with ultrasimple critters in the ancient seas and move up step by step to everything we see now, then you have to observe a tendency toward complexity. And toward self-awareness and intelligence. Wouldn't you agree?”
“Yes.”
“All sorts of creatures on this planet appear to be on the verge of attaining that self-awareness and intelligence. We were never meant to be the only players on this stage.”
“This seems to be so. What does this mean about man's destiny?”
“Man is the first – the trailblazer, the pathfinder. His destiny is to be the first to learn that creatures like man have a choice: They can try to thwart nature and perish in the attempt – or they can stand aside and make some room for all the rest. But it's more than that. His destiny is to give all other species that chance – whales, dolphins, chimps, raccoons. Oddly enough, it is much grander than the destiny the Takers dreamed up for us.”
“How so?”
“Just think. In a billion years, whoever is around then will say: Man? Oh yes, man! What a wonderful creature he was! It was within his grasp to destroy the entire world and to trample all of our futures into the dust – but he saw the light before it was too late and pulled back. He pulled back and gave us our chance. He showed us all how it had to be done if the world was to go on being a garden forever. Man was a role model for us all!”
“Not a shabby destiny.”
“Not shabby by any means! I understand now that the world wasn't a mess and it didn't need to be conquered by man, but it does need man to belong to it. Some creature had to find the way. Man's place is not to rule, but to be the first without also being the last.”
“How can we bring this about? What's the program?”
“The story of Genesis must be reversed. Cain must stop murdered Abel. This is essential. The Leavers – the indigenous peoples – are an endangered species most critical to the world – not because they're humans but because they alone can show the destroyers of the world that there is no one right way to live.
“You must spit out the fruit of the forbidden tree. You must absolutely relinquish the idea that you know who should live and who should die.”
“Yes. I see all that. That's the program for mankind, but what's the program for me? What can I do?”
“Teach a hundred people what I've taught you and inspire each of them to go on to teach another hundred. That is how it's always done.”
“The Leaver lifestyle isn't about hunting and gathering, it's about letting the rest of the community live. The Leaver life is not an antiquated thing that is back there somewhere. Your task is not to reach back, but to reach forward.”
“But to what? We can't just walk away from our civilization the way the Hohokam did.”
“That's certainly true. The Hohokam had another way of life waiting for them. You must be inventive if you care to survive. You're an inventive people, aren't you? You pride yourself on that, don't you?”
“Yes.”
“Then invent.”
Related Books
The Continuum Concept comes to many of the same concepts and conclusions through observation of how a particular indigenous tribe lived in south America. The author lived with this tribe and studied them and then wrote a book about them. In a nut shell, she was astonished that these people knew a way to live that prevented disease and depression both. She was astonished that these people were so happy and healthy.
Conversations with God expands upon the flawed notion that there is one right way to live. In contrast, it proposes that we adopt the mantra: Ours is not the only way – it is merely another way.
The Secret to Our Success is written mostly from the perspective of Taker culture as illustrated here, yet it is packed with fascinating details about indigenous tribes and how cultural evolution works. This book helps tell the story of how things came to be this way, which is a recurring theme throughout Ishmael (and The Continuum Concept).

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

How to Remove Chemical Odors from Clothing (HSPs need to read this!)

I'm genetically a HSP (highly sensitive person). I'm also on the autism spectrum. To add to this mix, I was exposed to many harsh chemicals in the aftermath of a house-fire in my teens, and during this time period I was so depressed that I further damaged my body with excess aspirin usage, smoking pot, and drinking alcohol. Besides all this, I ate a fairly standard American diet (SAD), and I was putting on weight besides developing a stomach ulcer (or several). At seventeen I began to turn the mess around by changing my diet. By twenty I had a whole new lifestyle, a completely new life, and a much healthier body. There was just one problem.

2009, Raederle at the age of 20
Over the course of my early twenties I became increasingly sensitive to chemical odors. In my late teens I had noticed that I got headaches from second-hand cigarette smoke, which seemed pretty common. By the age of twenty-four I was experiencing severe headaches from the fumes created by frying food (especially onions), which I'd never heard of before. This extreme fume sensitivity may have been brought on by the events in my teens working their way through my system, or they may be due to living in an attic for a couple years where all of the fumes from the house were collecting. It got so bad that I would go on road trips that lasted for months to get away.

2012, Raederle, age 23, on a road trip, visiting Florida
A lot of good things have come out of my struggle with fume sensitivities. As my ability to go to festivals decreased, I spent more time with individuals one-on-one instead. As my ability to live in a city decreased, I spent more time in nature. As my ability to continue living in an attic decreased, I spent increasing amounts of time traveling which led to writing my book, Living Big & Traveling Far on $8,000 a Year (or Less!). As my own possibilities and abilities narrowed, I gained more compassion for other people with sensitivities and disabilities.
One of the most challenging things I've encountered is laundry. I can't even walk into a laundromat. Dryer sheets and conventional laundry detergents have a profoundly horrible impact on me. A single good whiff can leave me with a migraine that lasts for hours followed by continued exhaustion for the rest of the day. Imagine taking a single breath and losing the entire day to being in bed afterward! Because of this I also can't share a washer or dryer with other people who use harsh chemicals on their clothing because the ambient odor in the area is unbearable for me, and worse, using the machine leaves the odor on my own clothing, rendering it unwearable.

2018, Raederle, age 29, laying down with my eyes covered after being exposed to a chemical fume
For years I had no idea how to address this issue. I wore one of my n-99 masks to shop in a local thrift store in the summer of 2019. I thought the smell was just in the building, but it was actually in the clothes themselves – all of them. I tried soaking the clothes for weeks, changing the water regularly (always while wearing my mask). I tried washing them over and over again. I finally just shoved them all in a storage container, defeated. I couldn't wear them without a headache.

2018, Raederle, age 29, wearing my n-99 masks anywhere I encountered fumes – long before everyone was wearing them for COVID-19 in 2020 – above is an organic cotton "I Can Breathe" mask

2018, Raederle, age 29, wearing an organic cotton vog mask


2019, Raederle, age 30, wearing a mask from my personally favorite brand – metamask.

In April 2020 something awful happened which ultimately led to my writing this article. Most of my clothing was washed and then dried at a laundromat. It would have cost me thousands of dollars to replace it all (and much of it was hand-made by me personally, and not replaceable – including my denim trench coat), so I suddenly had a huge incentive to learn how to get my clothes clean. This was a grueling process, as every attempt required smelling my clothes to see if it had worked. Every time it hadn't I lost hours to pained bed-rest. After a month of trials and many errors, finally, my family figured out the steps required to extract chemical fragrance from fabric.

How To Remove Chemical Odors and Fragrances from Clothing or Fabric

There are three keys to removing chemical odors from your clothing.

Lots of Water

The more water you use per article of clothing, the better. Doing extra rinses may decrease the odor by about 10% and plateau there. Washing an article of clothing by itself can remove between 35% and 80% of the odor strength. However, you will never quite get it out with water alone, so you need to combine this with both the other mechanisms listed below.

The Right Soap

We've rotated between a number of unscented, gentle, natural, organic clothing detergents. We thought they were all pretty much the same after experimenting with them over the years, so we just opted for the cheapest one that I wasn't sensitive to. It was a lucky chance that we discovered that Seventh Generation's Laundry Detergent was a magic bullet for removal of chemical odors. If you use a lot of it (double or triple your usual amount) in a regular-sized load, you might get as much as 90% of the odor removed, depending on how thick the fabrics are. Thicker fabrics (jeans, blankets, sweaters) will be more stubborn. If you wash an article of clothing alone, such as a fluffy sweater, you might get it entirely clean in one washing.

Warm Water

Most of my clothing is knit, so the best practice has always been to use cool water. Spandex, elastic, and knits all wear out much, much faster when you use warm water. Also, baking soda is very hard on elastic, so I recommend only using that on your non-stretchy fabrics such as your top sheets and towels (but not your fitted sheets, because those have elastic). That said, if you're dealing with a chemical odor and need to get it out, washing with warm water makes a huge difference. I suspect this is because it actually off-gasses a lot faster due to the heat itself.

Getting Your Clothes Odor-Free In One Wash

My experience has been that it is rare to get an article of clothing entirely free from chemical odor on the first try, but if you want to give it the best chance, then do this:
  1. Wash about one sweater's worth of clothing or fabric at once.
  2. Wash with warm water for knits, spandex, and stretch, and use hot water for linens and non-stretchy cotton.
  3. Use a full load's worth of Seventh Generation's Laundry Detergent and possibly even a little extra.
  4. Use extra rinses in the wash cycle.

2019, Raederle Sewing Her Hand-Dyed Skirt Together
My experience has been that baking soda doesn't do it, letting clothing soak in a bucket for twenty-four hours prior to washing doesn't do it, and simply washing seven or eight times doesn't do it. So I've written this article specifically to save you from the frustrating experience I've had. I hope this helps.
Blessings!
~ Raederle Phoenix

Friday, May 29, 2020

Zephyr's Obituary

Zephyr came into Greg’s life because of the child of a girlfriend who wanted a cat. Because Zephyr lived at Greg’s house, he quickly became Greg’s cat more than anyone’s, and so in the breakup, Zephyr remained Greg’s cat.
My first impressions of Zephyr were that of a strong, healthy hunter. I’d only known Greg a few weeks when I saw Zephyr leap onto the garden gate, balancing there on a bit of metal not even an inch wide with a baby rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was more than half Zephyr’s size. Every other day there would be a new animal that Zephyr had hunted. Nobody was exactly pleased about the stray foot or tail on the front porch, but we were proud of Zephyr’s prowess.
Zephyr was always a needy cat. He behaved more like a dog than a cat, so Lytenian nick-named him Zeph-dog within the first week of knowing him. Zephyr would beg at the counter like a dog, wanting to know what you were eating. He’d whine at the bedroom doors at night, wanting to come into your bed to sleep with you.
Unfortunately, Lytenian and I moving in caused a lot of conflict with Zephyr. We both cared about the cat and wanted what was best for him, so we tried to adjust. Lytenian hoped that his allergies would acclimate to Zephyr. (Sometimes, someone with a cat allergy can adjust to a specific cat over time.) On the contrary, Lytenian’s cat allergies seemed to get worse, and he spent the better part of a year with hives coming back repeatedly on his body and face. He was often so sick that we thought he had the flu, but whenever we would travel away, his symptoms cleared up, and when we’d return, they came back.
We tried mitigating the allergy issue with a robotic vacuum that would automatically run each day in addition to a lot of other cleaning. We did extra loads of laundry, Lytenian took extra showers, and we all tried our best to keep cat fur out of Lytenian’s life. All of these efforts helped, but occasionally Lytenian would accidentally leave his door open and find Zephyr in his bed. Then he would have to wash all of his bedding, and he would break out in hives again the next day.
In addition to this, there was Zephyr meowing at the bedroom doors at night. While he’d done this some of the time before Lytenian and I arrived, something about our presence made him do it more. So much like a dog, it was as if Zephyr felt it was more unfair that he didn’t get attention with more of us around, or perhaps Lytenian’s avoidance of him made him feel like he simply had to win Lytenian’s affection. For whatever reason, Zephyr began meowing at the doors every single night until we were all awake. We would put him outside because there was nothing else to be done about it.
One summer I proposed that Zephyr just stay outside all the time.
Greg asked, “What would we do in the winter?”
“I don’t know. We can figure that out when it gets cold.”
We went forward with the idea that summer. Zephyr seemed very healthy and the vet was actually impressed at his regular visit. Not only did his physical health improve, but he emotionally seemed to become less needy during that first summer of living entirely outside. If humans didn’t give him attention, he just walked off into the fields to amuse himself with hunting.
Zephyr was healthier and Lytenian was healthier, so we seemed to have made a good decision. We bought Zephyr a heated bed for the porch in the autumn so that Zephyr could stay warm on chilly nights. In the winter we ended up keeping him in our downstairs bathroom during the coldest nights. Greg had to build a wooden protection screen for the bathroom door because Zephyr would scratch to seek attention and let out his frustration. At least he was warm, and we let him back outside every day to play in the snow.
Zephyr staying in the downstairs bathroom wasn’t a happy situation for anyone. He’d meow and meow in there, which made me feel so guilty and unhappy that I couldn’t eat. We couldn’t use the bathroom with him there. Lytenian because of his allergies, and me because of my sensitivities to the cat litter, and all of us because it was too small to navigate the wooden screen, the cat litter, and Zephyr himself.
One day Lytenian had the idea to build Zephyr his own house, and Greg decided it was a good idea. The next summer, Greg built Zephyr a house using SIPs as a model, with foam sandwiched between two pieces of wood. The cat house featured a heating bulb to provide warmth any time it dropped below 45ºF and a thermostat that Greg could read to be sure Zephyr had a warm place to be. In addition, we moved Zephyr’s cat bed into the cat house, so he had additional warmth beside the heat bulb and insulation.
In this photo you can see Zephyr's cat house and Zephyr in the background.
This solution seemed to make everyone a lot happier. Sometimes when Greg was really stressed out, he would go outside to lay there with Zephyr, and when he’d come back inside he would take off his clothes, and shower, and mention how much he cherished his time with Zephyr and how calming it was for both of them.
Zephyr seemed strong and healthy, and maybe this led to him trying to expand his territory. At the time, our community had three households with dogs and five households with cats, and I imagine Zephyr might have felt that all these other animals were encroaching on his space. Afterall, Zephyr had been here much longer than the others. Perhaps this is why Zephyr managed to tussle with two dogs at once and come away alive, with a gash on his back and one front leg injured. This encounter was expensive all around, as Zephyr’s leg required surgery, and at least one of the dogs required care as well. When I questioned Greg’s choice to spend so much on repairing Zephyr’s leg, Greg cried. He couldn’t justify not spending the money and watching his beloved friend lose the use of his paw.
For a time it seemed like Zephyr’s injury might be more serious than we had first assumed. He seemed disoriented often, likely feverish. Thankfully, after a few weeks he began behaving a little more like his old self. He didn’t hunt down rabbits anymore, but the occasional mouse or other small critter turned up. Zephyr was less playful, but he still wanted affection. Sometimes he would start purring just because someone stood beside him on the porch. Greg spent a lot of time with Zephyr after the injury to his front leg. He was worried about him, as we all were. Zephyr sat in a strange posture with his injured paw up off the ground. We worried that he was in a lot of pain, and we all wondered if his quality of life was so poor that it would have been better if he had died. We felt guilty for having these thoughts, and guilty for Zephyr’s pain. We – humans – were calling the shots on how life would go for the animals around us, and somehow we’d messed up. Even though nobody intended what happened, there were more than enough guilty feelings.
Zephyr seemed better for a while, more playful again. He started doing as he used to – running up to our car when we’d return from grocery shopping. Just like a dog, we’d have to watch for him every time because he insisted on coming too close for us to see him. We often had to get out of the car to find him before we could pull up to the house. Zephyr wasn’t ever found actually under the car or in front of the tires, but we were always concerned when he ran up to the car and out of view.
Zephyr followed us around on walks on the property, often walking beside us all the way to the parking lot, or most of the way to the mailboxes, or down toward the treeline. He followed Lytenian and I too, even though Lytenian couldn’t pet him, and I rarely pet him so that I wouldn’t transfer fur to Lytenian. Still, Zeph-dog seemed to know we were family too.
While Zephyr continued to hold his paw up in a strange way, he seemed to walk normally, and he even jumped the fence occasionally. Yet as this summer began we worried that he seemed less active than ever. At eleven years old, he seemed as lethargic as a much older cat. Still, he went over to Greg’s construction site most days to watch Greg at work and poke around at everything curiously. Greg enjoyed the company and sent photos and videos of his antics to his family.
This past Wednesday, Zephyr was attacked again by a dog. Greg was getting into bed, but halted because he heard the clinking of dog tags and knew something wasn’t right. He went outside immediately in his bathrobe, but the injury had already been inflicted. Zephyr’s injuries were serious, and Greg brought him to Cornell because it was the only place nearby open so late.
Even with surgery, Zephyr didn’t have good chances for survival and one of his hind legs would have had to be amputated besides. At one o’clock in the morning, Greg had to make the decision to see his friend put down. I was asleep at the time, so I learned about this at two o’clock in the morning when Greg came into my room and asked me in a shaking voice to hold him.
Lytenian, Greg and I were awake past four o’clock in the morning, alternating crying with sharing stories. I’m crying again now, writing this. We did the best we could to balance all of our conflicting needs. Lytenian’s allergies, our needs for good sleep at night, and Zephyr’s needs for shelter and affection.
As a community we’ve all tried to balance the complex web of needs of pets and their owners.
Greg talked to someone about Zephyr’s death who implied that perhaps the dog ought to be put down. Greg, sick with his own grief and guilt, was horrified at the thought. After his own ordeal, the last thing he wanted was to put others through the same pain.
In the morning Greg and I went to a far corner of community property where Pixie was buried. Pixie was like Zephyr’s younger sibling in a way, acquired because our neighbor’s son admired the orange cat next door and wanted his own. Pixie was known for being the most affectionate, and sweet cat. Pixie didn’t live very long here, perhaps because her nature was too trusting. Pixie was the only cat that Zephyr seemed to like, as if Zephyr saw this smaller, younger, orange cat as his own somehow. Zephyr and Pixie were often seen together in our front yard. Greg felt that Zephyr might like to be near Pixie in death, as they were in life.
Greg and I dug for some long period of time yesterday morning. When the grave was nearly three feet in depth, Greg walked back to collect Zephyr. I collected flowers and pinecones while I waited for his return. Greg carried Zephyr’s body in his arms and placed him gently down. Greg cried hard and I cried with him.
“My little buddy is gone,” he said.
It occurred to me then that Zephyr was like Greg’s child, and I cried harder. Pixie’s owners joined us, and Salvatore. Greg placed Zephyr’s food bowl in his grave with some food and I found myself crying again. The boy who had admired our orange cat so much put a buttercup in the grave and then Greg and I carefully refilled the grave. We arranged stones on top, and the pinecones and flowers I had gathered. The boy gathered some more buttercups that were growing near Pixie’s grave and scattered them over the Zephyr’s grave and said, “From Pixie.”
We all stood there quietly for a time.
At home again, Greg was exhausted after a night containing only two hours of sleep, and digging a grave through rocks and clay, and he went to bed. Disturbed by the loss of Zephyr, I found myself feeling extra protective of my flowers, checking on them and spreading eggshells to defend them from slugs. Lytenian and I tried to carry on with life, but as Lytenian was folding laundry he asked me about the funeral. As I told him about it, he began crying again, and so did I. “Zephyr was Greg’s best friend,” Lytenain said through his tears. “Zephyr was there for him in a way that nobody else could be, and now he’s gone.”
I set my breakfast – which I was eating at three o’clock in the afternoon – aside and wrapped my arms around Lytenian.
“I think I’ve cried more about this cat than I did for either of my grandparents,” Lytenian said.
I nodded. As it is often said, you don’t know how much you care about someone until they’re gone.
Rest in peace, Zephyr, 2009-2020.
Authored by Raederle Phoenix
May 29th 2020

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Perspective Alchemy

This shadow work process accesses your unconscious without requiring a trained hypnotherapist or a formal trance state. By using this process regularly, you strengthen your understanding of your motives, underlying beliefs, and desires. Most conscious motives are a cover-up. Beneath our conscious concepts about why we do what we do, there is an entirely different story.
Any place you're stuck in your life, it is because you have an unconscious motive that is blocking your progress. Your unconscious protects you, but because of its fragmented nature, it often protects parts of you in ways that undermine your conscious intentions.
By using this process you can integrate aspects of yourself, literally bringing yourself onto your own team.
Get Perspective Alchemy, a process by Raederle Phoenix
Interested in getting all of my books and board games together, and other goodies besides? Sign up for a wholesale box from me on patreon.

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Raederle's Diary & Memoir Project

I started keeping a journal at the age of ten, in 1999. In 2015, at the age of 26, I began I writing my journal entries in a more novel-like fashion, bringing in a lot of dialog and action. Sharing my life transparently, in its whole, is a dream of mine.
“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” — Muriel Rukeyser
It is my aim to do just that: to tell the full truth of my life.
This page is updated with more links roughly monthly. (Last updated April 13th 2020.)

Timeline

  • 2020 — Ithaca, New York
  • 2019 — Ithaca, New York
  • 2018 — Ithaca, New York
  • 2014 — Buffalo, New York & More Chronic Travels
  • 2013 — Kaua’i Island
  • 2012 — Florida Roadtrip
  • 2010 — Walnut Creek, California
  • 2005 and Earlier — Buffalo, New York

Raederle’s 2020 Diary

Age 31

This year is only just beginning to unfold; what will it bring?

January 2020

February 2020

Raederle’s 2019 Diary

Age 30

Learning piano for the first time. Diving into Myers-Briggs and cognitive functions. Striving for balance between diving into emotions, processing them, and just letting things be. This is my fourth year living in Ithaca, NY.

February 2019

May 2019

July 2019

The Good Life July 24th

August 2019

Persevere Aug 29th

September 2019

Raederle’s 2018 Diary

Age 29

Over the course of this year I drew the illustrations which became my coloring book, Waveward Dreams.

Raederle’s 2014 Diary

Age 25

Late in this year I began writing my book Living Big & Traveling Far on $8,000 a Year (or Less!).

January 2014

March 2014

Raederle’s 2013 Diary

Age 24

In the summer of 2013 I made a radical leap and traveled with Lytenian to Kaua’i island for nearly five months. We lived off the land, and sometimes we literally didn’t know where our next meal was coming from.

Raederle’s 2012 Diary

Age 23

Lytenian and I went on a long road trip in 2012 which included a ten-day visit in Florida (near St. Augustine). During this time I learned my deep love of the ocean. I realized that living in a beach house would be worth it – even if I died young in a tsunami.

Raederle’s 2010 Diary-Blog

Age 21

In June 2010 I said vows to Lytenian. In September of 2010 I went raw vegan and remained strictly on that diet for a full year. I was living in Walnut Creek, California at this time in Lytenian’s apartment there.

Raederle’s 2005 & Earlier Diary

Childhood

I’m the child of two college-educated baby-boomers who happened to raise me in a ghetto where being white made me the minority. I changed schools almost every year, never fitting in anywhere. My immune system was so poor that I had chicken pox twice and mono four times. I hit puberty at nine years old, and quickly became obsessed with sexuality and seeking love.

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