Raederle on the Radio — With Footage!

Raederle on Life, Spirituality, & Polyamory

Live radio episode where Eric interviews Raederle Phoenix on April 30th 2017. Raederle discusses her life in general talking about her hobbies, her day to day life, her belief systems, her two husbands, and her work.

Photos, font, artwork and video overlay are Raederle's creations (with a few photos taken by Lytenian, Greg or Raederle's parents) unless otherwise stated. (There are a few photos by photographers that are Raederle's friends – they're cited on the photos they took.)

WRFI Community Radio for Ithaca and Watkins Glen.

Raederle on Business, Nutrition & Health

Feb 17, 2013. Andrea Todaro and Dale Martin interview Raederle Phoenix about her business in Western New York in the field of health, nutrition and raw food.

Click here to view more radio show episodes.

How to tell the difference between intuition and cravings

One person may be craving almonds while another person may be getting intuitive guidance to eat almonds. Let's look at how these two different people will behave:

Eating Really Fast – A Sign of Cravings

If you're craving almonds, you'll feel inclined to eat them quickly, and now. If you're getting an intuitive feeling from your body, you won't feel in a rush. If you're craving almonds, you'll find it hard to chew them all the way before putting more in your mouth. If you're intuitively guided to eat almonds, you'll find it easy and relaxing to chew them thoroughly.

Cravings give a false sense of urgency. Your intuition knows you have plenty of time.

Eating Lightly – A Sign of Intuitive Connection

When you're in touch with your body, you'll find you don't need to eat as much. You'll feel inclined to eat more slowly and chew more thoroughly, which will allow you to absorb more from what you eat. Also, you'll eat exactly what you need, making your body more efficient. Being in touch will also result in less stress, causing you to burn less calories and nutrients in the metabolic processes of stress itself. All of this will result in a much lighter load.

Cravings are easily identified by their need for large volumes. When you feel inclined to eat an entire jar of cashew butter or an entire carton of coconut yogurt in one sitting, that's a sign that you're experiencing a craving.

Cravings versus Intuition

Cravings, at their root, come from emotional destitution. The sense of 'I'm lacking something,' at an emotional level quickly translates to lacking something on the physical level. One simple example of this is how stress burns up nutrients and creates metabolic waste. So when you're feeling like you're not getting enough support (i.e. experiencing a sense of lack, also known as taṇhā), and this causes you stress, you start to burn through your reserves of vitamin B₁₂ and other nutrients. This, in turn, causes you to intensely crave whatever foods you've eaten most recently which contain some amount of the nutrients you're burning through.

You can go indulge in your craving for a quick fix, but the chances are that your cravings will jerk you around in very inefficient ways. It may be that you need omega-3, sodium, an array of minerals, and vitamin B₁₂, and so you have French fries with cheese and extra salt. You'll get a little of all of those things, but in the long run, you'll be depleting even more resources. You'll run out of your limited supply of lipase enzyme which you use to digest fat, for example, and so if after the French fries you eat some lean fish or flax oil which contain a more useful supply of fat, you'll not yet have restored the lipase supply and miss out on a better source of nutrition.

The cheese will also add to your overall toxin load, creating further need for antioxidants in your body. The table salt will not have appropriately balanced minerals, causing you to need even more minerals. And the amount of B₁₂ will be so minimal as to not be enough to compensate for severe stress.

So as you can see, your craving makes sense, but it is overall not helpful to indulge in. A analytical, left-brained approach to this issue is to learn the root need at the physical level and address that. If you analyze your craving for French fries with cheese and realize that, indeed, you're lacking in healthy fats, an array of minerals including sodium, and vitamin B₁₂, you might to instead choose to have a salad with flax oil, Hawai'ian sea salt (which is red) or Himalayan salt (which is pink), and a sprinkle of B₁₂-enriched nutritional yeast.

If you make this logical choice in response to your cravings, you may notice that you still have an emotional need that was not met by the salad. Perhaps you wanted the feeling of your teeth sinking into hot, oily fries because that sensation you associate with safety and being loved, which is precisely what is missing and making you feel stressed out in your day-to-day life right now. This is where consciousness alchemy comes in – tools to help get you more in touch with your body, your feelings, your repressed desires, your needs, and your intuition.

Intuitive choices arise from feeling your deepest truth about your needs. The more choices you make from an intuitive place, the more your life seems to flow naturally and easily from one good thing to the next. Intuition brings a sense of zen to your work and a sense of meaning to your life. Intuitive choices feel so good because they are born out of an integrated view of yourself.

Cravings come from small, isolated parts of you without the benefit of input from your whole committee of self. This is why you feel stupid when you look back at what you ate yesterday. You think to yourself, "I knew if I ate that I would feel terrible today, so why did I do it?" You did it because you were selectively identified with a small part of you, and not hearing the whole of yourself; you were not hearing the part of you that was saying, "Oh no, please don't do that. It'll hurt tomorrow!" This is what happens when you are not on speaking terms with yourself.

Intuition becomes stronger as you integrate yourself and as you listen to it. It is like a muscle that gets stronger with use. Every time you listen to your intuition, it becomes more clear, more strong. Every time you ignore it, it dies back and becomes more faint. This is why most people can barely hear anything at all from their intuition. If you're someone who feels taht you don't get intuitive messages from your body or emotions, you want to start out with the procedure I outline below.

Listening to your Intuition – A Beginner's Method

When you're out of touch with your intuition it takes effort to get back in touch. The 'voice' will be very faint and easily drowned out by the smallest stimuli. Even the sound of a keyboard will be enough to drown it out. Even your night-light may be too much. This is why I recommend full sensory deprivation for getting in touch with yourself. (If you get migraines, it may be because you desperately want to get in touch with your intuition, and so you're causing yourself to experience pain from all sensory input in order to force you to spend time without any sensory input.)

Here is how to meditate without sensory distraction:

Blindfold yourself or rest a shirt or blanket over your eyes in a dark room. (The blindfold, shirt or blanket is to make sure the darkness is complete. Your pineal gland is remarkably good at picking up light even through your eyelids – even the little LED lights on your computer.)

Make sure all your windows are closed and all noise-making devices in your home are off. If you can hear neighbors whatsoever, turn on an air-filter or other white-noise machine until you can't. Another option is to play a recording of ocean waves that has no abrupt sounds in the recording.

Lay flat on your back or sitting up as perfectly straight as you can manage so that your spine is straight from the crown of your head to the tip of your tail-bone. On your back, lay with your arms flat on the bed, preferably with your palms facing upward, but they can be downward if that is more comfortable. Keep your legs somewhat apart. The most important aspects of your posture is that you're symmetrical, comfortable and completely still.

Breathe deeply and focus on everything you feel from head to toe. Do not let yourself fall asleep. Focus intently on your feelings. You are expecting a series of messages from your body in the form of sensations and emotions. Stay awake and listen.

Even with the best intentions, some people will still fall asleep. Try to stay awake and make notes to yourself in your mind about your experience. Narrate to yourself: "I feel warmer in my right foot than in my left food. I notice pain in my lower back. I am getting chills on my arms. I've been feeling cold all day except while I was running. I felt good while I was running. I am remembering running and enjoying that feeling. I think my body is telling me that it wishes I went for a run more regularly." You can narrate in your mind, or you can do so aloud. If you have a habit of falling asleep while meditating, then doing so aloud may be your best bet. Try to stay entirely still other than the movement required for speaking.

Do this process for at least ten minutes at a time. Ideally, do it every day. You can do it right before sleeping at night, and before you let yourself go to sleep you can take out a notebook and write down your messages to yourself so that you won't lose them overnight. If you do this before bed it is important that you use some method to ensure you maintain the integrative benefits by remembering the process consciously. This can be writing, recording, or talking with a partner.

For a crash-course in life itself and what it means to be you, do this process for three whole days. Your entire life will change. Mine sure did.

Intuitive Grocery Shopping

Once you've done the process outlined above for getting in touch with your intuition a few times, you can start using your intuition at the grocery store. For every thing your eyes land on, notice how you feel about the food. Try to ignore your judgments about whether or not the food tastes good or whether it is good for you or the planet. Just feel. Let yourself put everything that feels good in the cart. Then, before checking out, let your logic come back in and go back over your cart and try to feel and think simultaneously. This is what integration is about – your logic working together with your comprehensive, intuitive understanding of yourself.

Notice how you feel if you choose to put some things back. Do you feel highly disappointed? Do you feel betrayed or let down? Or do you feel relieved? Trust the emotion you feel when putting something back. Relief means that part of you knew that was a really bad idea, and so go ahead and leave those things at the grocery store. Resentment or disappointment indicates that you really had your heart set on it. Maybe it is a bit expensive, maybe it isn't always the best thing for you, but right now part of you is calling out for it.

If you have a conflict of logic and emotion, try not to bulldoze over one or the other. Instead, let yourself process. Yes, right there in the grocery store! Why not? What's the worst that will happen? Someone might see you crying and feel concerned? You'll be okay. Trust yourself to be capable of figuring it out right then and there. Ask yourself questions like, "If I get this item this time, will I feel good about myself tomorrow?" "Why do I want to eat this?" "Am I buying this for an emotional need or for a physical need?" "What is creating my need for this food?" "Where in my body am I desiring this food?" "What pain or consequence will I get as a result of eating this food, if any?"

Remember that your body will primarily respond with feelings. So if you ask why you want something, the response might be tingling feet. You have to be tuned-in enough to notice that your feet are tingling and then feel into that as deeply as you can. It might bring you to a memory of another time your feet were tingling, and how you were feeling at that time, for example.

As you can probably tell, intuitive grocery shopping is not something you want to do with a deadline. Give yourself hours to be in the store. It may only take you as long as usual. You may find yourself bursting through the store with child-like delight and awe as you let yourself be drawn to what feels right and good to you and you might not have to put anything back when you check in with yourself before checking out. Or, it might be a long, long process where you feel doubt and concern and waffle with yourself for a long time. Both processes are a success. Even trying to listen to yourself helps build trust and moves you close to an integrated, whole self.

Using Food To Escape

Another tell-tale sign of cravings is the need to escape from something you're experiencing. Intuition is always focused on moving toward something that you want. Cravings are often about moving away from an experience you don't want. You may experience cravings for food, for example, when you've been at your computer too long and your body is trying to tell you to get up, right now!

You might also be interested in reading:

Eliminating Menstrual Cramps, PMS, and Bloating
Why is it so hard to make friends?
Heal Your Thyroid With Voice Consciousness
Recognizing, Understanding & Treating Developmental Trauma
Healing & Preventing Cankersores

Ask Raederle: Emotional Safety in Polyamory

"How do you handle emotional safety and managing your two simultaneous relationships? Isn't it challenging? Why do you feel like you can handle a third relationship?"

Emotional safety is a subject of much personal interest and struggle for me, so I'll start there.

I find my two relationships highly complimentary.

I've been with Lytenian since December 2009, so our relationship has a lot of history. We're both introspective and committed to a non-fluff sort of relationship. We're actually better at crying together and tackling tough emotional conversations than we are at being light-hearted.

Hence, Greg coming into my life in 2015 being such a relief – we have fun together and do the fluffy things.

Greg has become Lyth's best friend, and the three of us living together has more advantages than disadvantages.

I practice something called conscious, material love. This means that, like most people today, I am subject to the pit-falls of material love – possessiveness, attachment, insecurity, jealousy, envy, and all the other manifestations of taṇhā (a chronic, underlying sense that one is lacking something causing a thirst that is unquenchable/insatiable) – but that I am also a conscious lover, and thereby communicative of my feelings, pitfalls, reasons, desires, needs, and willing to do what it takes to make the relationship feel rewarding to all parties involved.

I am fortunate that both Lyth and Greg are actually better at spiritual love than I am – the kind of love that is more about essence and less about possession. Yet both of them have learned (and continue to learn) from me how to be more conscious lovers – how to self-examine from both a left-brained/analytical/thinking state and a right-brained/feeling/intuitive state. The former being Greg's natural inclination and the later being Lytenian's natural inclination.

Non-conscious material-love relationships are the most common, and they thrive only when there is strict adherence to agreed upon roles in the relationship. Because of the deterioration of established gender roles, these kinds of relationships are becoming increasingly short-lived.

With this overview, you may find it fairly deducible that I find my two husbands add to my emotional safety rather than detracting from it. While they are both free to seek other women – emotionally, sexually, physically, intellectually, spiritually – and to create other commitments if they wish to, neither expresses much of an interest in doing so. Whenever they do find occasion to flirt with or kiss another woman, I do experience jealousy and I am challenged by it. We talk about it a lot after the fact, and have learned a lot about ourselves and each other through these experiences.

I've found that most of my jealousy stems from a belief that if I were to have a metamour (a partner of one of my partners), then she would not care adequately about my feelings and would trample my emotional security. I've yet to actually have the experience of having a metamour, so I suspect that once I do have the experience, it will dispel this fear.

How can it be safe for me to pursue a third relationship?

When polyamorous, and involved in existing, stable relationships absent of resentment, I believe adding new relationships is no more complicated or risky than adding a relationship when single.

I believe I'm coming from a place of genuinely wanting to give my husbands more alone time (which they both feel is beneficial – I've asked), which is a place of compassion, not resentment. And also from a place of wanting to grow my own perspective, which is a form of self-love. So it seems that my seeking of a third is coming from a healthy place. I say "seems" because I am always open to uncovering further subconscious motives as I continue my consciousness alchemy.

Another aspect of why it is safe for me to seek a third relationship is because both of my existing partners enjoy a lot of time to work on their own projects and introspect. I tend to be attracted to people who are intelligent, introspective and passionate – which leads me to workaholic, introverted geeks. A third such person in my life would also have limited available time for me, and thereby would fit nicely into my own available time.

This is something worth considering when venturing into polyamory. How much time do you want to spend with each partner? How much time does each partner want to spend with you?

In my case, I want to spend a lot of time with each partner, especially in the beginning as we're getting to know each other. And I keep my life flexible enough to actually spend that time with my partners. But the people I want to connect with tend to be specifically the sort of people who need a lot of time to themselves. This makes me a perfect fit for polyamory – so long as I continue to attract non-jealous, spiritually loving individuals.

Further reading that may interest you:

Monogamy versus Polyamory
Why I Almost Left My Husband
How We Became Polyamorous
How I Came To Have Two Husbands
Questions & Answers; "Help! My girlfriend was poly behind my back!"

— Raederle
The Consciousness Alchemist

Have a question for Raederle? Visit my contact page.

Are you too selfish?

Selfish. Self-centered. Self-absorbed. These are three terms that we've got absolutely wrong.

What these terms imply with their words is not aligned with the connotation. The word "selfish" implies that someone is of themselves. The term "self-centered" implies that someone is centered within themselves. The term "self-absorbed" implies that someone is absorbed in themselves.

Yet the connotation that we apply to these three terms is not at all what the words themselves imply.

Consider the behavior of a so-called selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed person. They do things that hurt other people. They are blind to the pain of others. They run rough-shod over other people's feelings, dreams and hard-work. They don't seem able to really listen, really understand, really empathize or grok anyone at all. They are unkind, uncaring, and inconsiderate. They are highly preoccupied with showing off and collecting praise, but don't pay attention when others show-off and they don't praise others.

They seem to have nothing but self-interest, but the fact is, a so-called selfish person has yet to take any real interest in themselves. A person who is truly interested in themselves will take time that is just for themselves. They will feel what it means to be human, deeply. A person who is truly centered in themselves will be highly compassionate, because to be inside oneself is to have an open heart that recognizes the hearts and hurts of others. To be embodied in yourself in a positive, complete way means following your own bliss.

A person who is living a life of their own personal bliss is not concerned with showing-off, collecting praise, being defensive, arguing other people down, or taking roughly from others; on the contrary, a person who is living their own bliss is so full of their own joy, excitement and enthusiasm that everyone around them is uplifted, inspired and feels deeply seen.

A person who has absorbed their own truths will be able to understand and empathize with others much more deeply. Such a person knows what deep grief feels like – because they have been present with themselves and their own pain. This self-knowing is the most critical knowing to enable deep compassion of others.

This is a very personal frustration for me because I grew up hearing that I was being selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed and even full of myself. I tried to "stop" being those things by looking outside myself. I tried to care more about what other people said. I forced myself to listen to others to be polite even when I didn't want to. I didn't understand that the reason it was so hard to listen to others was because I was not listening to myself, and so listening to others felt like a betrayal. I was jealous of my own attention going outward when it wouldn't come inward. I didn't understand that external focus was only going to worsen the condition I was being accused of.

The next time someone is being "selfish" – i.e. blind to their own real best interests, feelings, dreams and internal reality – see if you can get them to actually pay attention to their own heart. Ask them kindly, "What are you really feeling right now?" or "What do you feel in your heart right now?" or "What did you really want to get out of that?" And then, after they answer, lead them deeper by asking them "Why?"

By leading someone who is being blind into themselves, you will start to open their eyes. Someone who is chronically repressing their feelings will not be able to see the outer world clearly until they can see their internal conflicts, hopes, motives and beliefs clearly.

Try leading a narcissist into themselves. If they're a complete narcissist, they won't be able to do it. They'll be terrified of the possibility and have to escape the situation or deflect it. If they have a lot of narcissistic behaviors, but some openness, you'll watch them go through an incredible transformation as you get them to actually look within.

Remember: If you do not go within, you go without.

— Raederle

The Consciousness Alchemist

Addictions versus Needs

What is the difference between something you're addicted to and something you need?

The only difference between an addiction and a need is the perception that the addiction is something we don't actually need.

The things we need and the things we're addicted to function in the same way:

• We feel compelled to ensure that we can reliably secure them.
• We do everything we can to ensure that we get them.
• We feel real suffering when we fail to get them.

The ironic thing is that there actually is no difference between a perceived need and a real need. So the "addictions" are just as real because the person with the addiction is perceiving a real need. Even when they intellectually can say, "I don't actually need this," they still emotionally feel that they do. If they didn't feel they still needed it, they would give it up.

This means that your "real" needs become addictions the moment that you intellectually realize that you don't actually need them. Food becomes an addiction the moment you realize that you don't actually need it.

A person who has mastered breatharianism is someone who no longer emotionally needs food (and thereby doesn't need it physically either). An aspiring breatharian is someone who intellectually knows they don't need food, but feels a painful emotional attachment that they call an addiction.

Someone who never perceives food as a false-need lives in a reality where food is not an addiction, but simply a real need. The difference between needs and addictions is our attitude – our perception.

Think of an alcoholic. They have a real emotional need for their alcohol, but the moment they realize they don't actually need the alcohol – because, actually, they need deep connection with other human beings and a sense of belonging – then they realize they have an addiction. It remains an addiction up until the point that they no longer have an emotional need for alcohol.

Click here to return to the Consciousness Alchemy Glossary. Also, please sign up for my e-letters below and check out my books.

Intuitive Eating

What does an intuitive diet look like?

Following my intuition has led me to make an endless series of shifts in my diet.

I'm honoring young aspects of myself that still miss fried foods by incorporating all-organic, home-fried foods that are gluten-free and sweetener-free and taking digestive enzymes with the meal to compensate for the difficulty in digestion.

I'm honoring my body with days where I rest primarily and consume nothing but water.

I'm honoring my ambition with days where I eat for energy; every morsel of food is delivered to give me maximum benefits. On days like that, I consume a mostly frutarian diet with perhaps a little cashew yogurt or a little home-rolled oats.

I'm honoring the nutritionist in me that studied plant composition for years by including greens in every day that I'm not strictly fasting, whether in the form of a giant salad, or a fresh vegetable juice. On days where I'm short on time, I have several scoops of green powder combined with coconut water for a delicious, refreshing, replenishing meal.

When I listen to myself and get the whole message and carry out the full directions from my supraconscious and subconscious needs and desires, I find that my results are better than any one limited set of rules could ever be. Although, I have to be careful to be sure I'm hearing my intuition and not just giving in to cravings. This is an important distinction, which you can read more about here: Intuition versus Cravings.

In the past, I've been a strict raw foodist, a strict vegan, a strict raw vegetarian, and so on. I find that anything we go so far as to identify with later becomes a problem. Identification with something creates a strong attachment that is hard to break. Later, when you need to adapt in order to survive or thrive, it hurts tremendously to change because it literally breaks our identity which feels like a death.

How I moved from being strictly identified with being a raw foodie to being an intuitive being is an incredible story which I will be sharing over time. One of the most pivotal points in this story happens in October 2016 where I had what I now call a "fever awakening." Much of my awakening had to do with why I've been constipated my entire life, so that's where this story begins: I've been really anal retentive . . . Curing Chronic Constipation.

New Threat To Our Freedom of Speech

I find it hard to talk to anybody about any of the strong opinions I've come to over the years about black culture versus white culture. I grew up in a ghetto that was part black and part Puerto Rican. I experienced a lot of racism against white people, and against myself in particular. I was harassed and threatened. Many of the white people I associated were beaten up by local gangs. One such person showed up on my doorstep severely bleeding when I was fourteen.

Are you offended yet? Should I say "African American" instead of "black" even though the black people I grew up around called themselves black? Should I call it simply a neighborhood and not a ghetto even though the people in my neighborhood called it a ghetto?

I was starting to like this girl who organized events for people in their early twenties in Buffalo. It was a "after you leave youth group" group. She found my ways of speech so offensive that she unfriended me on facebook and said she didn't want to see me again. She was very concerned with being politically correct and making sure that people didn't use 'hate speech' or participate in 'rape culture' or make racist statements.

Look, I know as well as any gay person how hard it is to constantly be bombarded by hurtful statements. I feel hurt every time someone invites me to a bonfire. I can't attend a barbecue or a bonfire or a sage smudging because of my severe sensitivity to smoke. I'm hurt when people invite me to dinners and potlucks because I know I won't be able to eat anything there.

I'm blocked from normal communion with other human beings through my chemical and food sensitivities. Even hugging people is scary because if I inhale while I hug someone, the chances are I'll come away from the hug with a migraine due to their shampoo or antiperspirant.

My sensitivities give me a life of isolation, too. It isn't just gay people, trans people, black people, or people who live in extreme poverty who experience pain. There are people with invisible illnesses. There are people with such severe developmental trauma that they become manic narcissists who never get to experience real love in their life.

Is this really any good reason to block our freedom of speech? Does it make any sense to increase censorship in response to people's pain? Much of the pain stems from our closed-mouth culture in the first place! Trying to silence everyone for their "hate speech" is not going to help. It will make things worse.

Read: Pamela B. Paresky Ph.D.'s, Silencing Is Golden: The Chilling Dogma of AntiNormalization.

Emotion has a natural progression. It goes like this:

1. Venom: anger, resentment
2. Grief, sadness
3. Anxiety, fear, worry, old woundings
4. Apologetic, remorse, understanding
5. Love, foregiveness, creativity, awe, relief, peace and joy

Considering this progression, what do you think happens when you cut off everyone's outlet for their venom?

Before you want to shut someone up who is hurting you, think about that.

— Raederle Phoenix

The Consciousness Alchemist

Am I addicted to shadow work?

July 12th 2017

Blog Post / Journal Entry

In 2013 I met a woman who taught me to go into my pain. This technique of going into the eye of the storm led me to being better-able to follow my joy. It seems that what Teal calls spirituality 2.0 is the best way to achieve spirituality 101. Or at least, I realize that is what I've been doing for years.

I experience joy only after going through a period of intense venom, grief, fear and regrets. The more deeply I go into these emotions, and the more I let them wash over me and consume me, the more complete the peace and joy is at the end of it. Teal talks about this natural progression of emotion in her video How to Express Emotion as well as in her second book.

But in her video Spirituality 2.0 – where she so beautifully shows us her tears – she talks about 2.0 coming only after we give up on reaching joy through external means and we begin to look inward. I feel like I'm trying to look everywhere for joy, desperately, inward and outward. I seek pain out within my internal world in response to the smallest things in my outer world because I'd rather have something real than feel empty. I feel so alive when I'm in the center of my suffering, when I'm on the wave of grief.

What's concerning me is that I seem to be addicted at times to shadow work. I can't tell if I'm healing myself or wallowing sometimes. I'm getting better at seeing the difference between genuine presence with my pain (which is followed, eventually, by joy) and simply moping/complaining/wallowing (which is endlessly followed by more of the same, with no joy following unless I can get to that real place at the center of it).

I can understand, intellectually, that we're here to feel pain in every form. After all, we've chosen to be material beings to see what it is like to not be source consciousness, to not be perfect beings of unconditionally love. Anything that isn't unconditional love will be some form of pain, right?

But while that makes sense to me, and sometimes I can glory in the beauty of this masterful design and feel its truth coursing through me . . . Most of the time I feel uneasy about the ratio of suffering to joy. Am I really so resistant that I must suffer so much at the hands of my self-inflicted pain? Why? Why suffer when I've manifested myself such a beautiful life, where so many of my old dreams are now fulfilled? Am I really doing this just so that I won't get bored? What would be so bad about being bored?

Perhaps I'm such an expansion junkie that I choose this suffering by way of growing pains.

— Raederle

Eliminating Menstrual Cramps, PMS, Bloating & Excessive Bleeding – For Good!

How I converted my menstruation from frustration to vacation . . .

My Period Ritual; A Refined System for an Enjoyable Menstruation

Two days before I expect my period I begin to drink more water. I eat grapefruits, apples, oranges, smoothies and salads. Everything is geared toward hydration and consuming more minerals.

The day before my period I pull the cream-colored sheets off my bed and put on black sheets and pillow cases. I switch out my tan-colored coyuchi towel for an old black towel in the bathroom. When showering, I make sure the bathtub is clean and ready for me to get into it should I decide to use it.

When I go grocery shopping the week before my period I make sure to purchase organic frozen raspberries and oranges – two of the most effective foods I've found for combating menstrual cramps.

These days, the ritual is a fine-tuned, easily flowing system. But that wasn't always the case for me.

The Typical, Modern Experience of Menstruation

I used to be one of those women who was subject to the curse of monthly moon-time. My period would come as a surprise to me in the middle of a long drive or in the midst of a class or at work.

It would come to me with sudden pain, heavy bleeding, and bloating. It would be preceded by a week of pessimistic PMSing, and yet I still never managed to plan for it. For over a decade I dealt with cyclical, surprise suffering.

Now, having been menstruating for eighteen years, I can finally say that I have a system that has brought me from endless menstrual frustration to feeling like I get a special monthly vacation as a woman.

This shift didn't happen overnight. Years of trial and error has gone into developing a system that works. Most importantly, much presence has gone into it. I started listening to my body.

If you're interested in the full details of what my period used to be like, why it was so bad, and some of my journey from there to here, click here to read more about it. This article will primarily focus on the solutions I've found.

My body isn't the same as yours, but it is similar enough as a fellow human being that I believe you will benefit from my discoveries greatly. So I will now innumerate for you the many findings and discovered solutions of my journey.

Plan Accordingly For Your Period

If you use birth control such as the pill, you might not have to worry about your period coming at unexpected times. However, if you're on the pill and you suffer from any unpleasant symptoms such as breast soreness, bloating, vaginal dryness, recurring headaches, etc, then you might want to consider alternatives to putting unnatural hormones in your body.

I benefited tremendously from going off the pill after using it for eight years. I was astonished to watch myself lose ten pounds, have more mental stability, significantly decreased breast pain, and significantly increased sexual pleasure.

For those of you who don't have any external method that determines your cycle, I highly recommend using google calendar. I tried many other systems, but they have not offered me the benefits of google calendar:

1. I can create separate calendars. Some shared, some just for me. I've created a separate calendar which I've titled "Raederle's Period." Unlike my regular calendars which I share with everyone, my period calendar is just for me and a couple of the people closest to me.
2. I can color-code my different calendars. I've made my period calendar red, my "possibilities" calendar gray (so that it doesn't stick out as overtly, since they're just possibilities), and my actual plans and commitments purple.
3. I can hide or display whichever calendars I want, including the calendars of my friends and family. This allows me to see how my period overlaps with my plans as well as the plans of people close to me.
4. I can access my calendar on any device where I can log-in to my google account, which is also connected to my e-mail, youtube, etc, making calendar access incredibly easy – even when I travel without a cellphone or laptop (which I do regularly).

This calendar system, in short, allows me to see when my last period was, when I expect my next period to be, and to plan my life around my period.

I plan to "do nothing" for three days when my period is expected, and I create buffer around it. If you don't create your own hours at your work life, you may find it extreme to take off work for your period every month (or impossible), but you can at least ensure that you don't have commitments outside of work on those days.

When I get my period, I switch my calendar event that says "Period Estimation" to just say "Period."

In the 'event details' section I log anything I want to note about my experiences. I always note anything down which was particularly helpful to any symptoms such as oranges, cucumbers, specific essential oils, a particular massage technique, and so on. I'll get into these as the article goes on.

I create my "Period Estimation" event based on 28 days from the start of my last period. So after creating my "Period" event, I look at the next two months, and if they don't already have "Period Estimation" events on them, I create them. If they do, I may adjust their timing depending on when this period came. If my period came at day 30 instead of day 28, then I shift the other "Period Estimations" back so that they stay 28 days after the start of the last period.

Cut Stress While Menstruating

I find that everything I'm sensitive to, I'm more sensitive to when I'm on the rag. So I ensure that any possible stress-inducing factors are eliminated or minimized during my flow. For me, this includes avoiding leaving the house, social situations, bright lights, fumes, cars, and loud noises. All of these things can increase the severity of menstrual cramps.

I now think of menstruation as a spiritual practice that is given to women in our bodies. We have a built-in monthly time for introspection, contemplation, relaxation and self-focus. The more we actually embrace this and make it a time for self-love, the less the negative symptoms crop up.

The symptoms are only there to guide us inward. Pain draws focus to oneself. If you're already focused deeply on yourself, then there is no need for the pain to arise.

But watch out! You might think you're focused on yourself when you're actually denying large swaths of your own feelings and thoughts. I've fallen into this trap many times, and the severity of my menstrual cramps will inform me of where I'm at with that.

Get Extra Minerals While Menstruating

Not getting enough minerals is shown to increase the severity of menstrual cramps and the amount of bleeding. I take Naturally Calm in water, which is essentially magnesium when I'm expecting my period within a day or two, and continue to take it throughout my menstruation.

I've also found that taking calcium noticeably helps. Be sure that if you take calcium supplements to take a calcium-citrate which is more readily absorbed and utilized by your body. Read the ingredients and avoid calcium-carbonate in supplements.

Extra Credit Reading: Do we actually need supplements? Can't we get everything we need from food?

If you want to take the food approach, rather than the supplement approach (or better yet, combine supplements with the right foods), then dramatically increase your intake of greens. Leafy greens are very, very rich in minerals, especially magnesium and calcium. There are absolutely no other foods as rich per calorie in minerals as green leaves.

Hydrate Before, During and After Your Menstruation

Most people drink less than half as much water as they need to function optimally. To compound this, you lose a lot of water when you menstruate.

If muscle tension is common for you and you have severe menstrual cramps, then not getting enough water may be a part of the general cause for both. Aim for at least a half gallon of water a day on the days preceding your period as well as on your period.

Avoid Dehydrating Foods Around Your Period

Dried fruits, refined sweeteners, nuts, seeds, chips, crackers and animal products are highly dehydrating. These foods tend to not only rob your body of water, but also minerals. Thus, they lead to much more intense menstrual symptoms.

These same foods also tend to contribute to general bloating, breast soreness (due to lymphatic overload), flora imbalance (and thereby irritable bowels and candida), excess weight, fatigue and troubled skin. Caffeine and alcohol are also highly dehydrating. I recommend limiting caffeine to green tea, and scheduling your caffeine-containing coffee as a rare treat consumed only a few times a year, well away from your menstruation.

I've personally found, even as a raw foodist, that it is very possible to bring on rough menstrual cramps through dehydrating foods. Some of the worst cramps I ever had in my life came in 2012 when I was staying in a beach house in Florida and teaching a family how to eat a raw diet.

I had just made them a very fancy dinner the previous night which had concluded with a coconut cream pie made up of dried coconut, dates, fresh coconut, banana, vanilla powder, and a light dusting of fresh strawberries and cacao powder. The pie tasted and looked incredible.

I use a photo of that very same pie on my business cards. And every time I see one of my business cards, I'm reminded what not to eat the day before my period! It really was a very delightful meal:

The following morning was very tough. I only managed to pull through the fancy-fun meal preparations of the next day at all by keeping up a steady supply of celery-kale-lemon-spinach-cucumber juice, lots of rest, and lots of declining of potential tourism.

Eliminating Menstrual Cramps

Menstrual cramps are dramatically worsened by stuff stuck in your colon. Consider that the skin between your vagina and your colon is just a thin layer of skin. There is a lot of condition-sharing between your reproductive organs and your digestive organs.

This is why it is common to find constipation, candida, vaginal yeast infections, kidney problems, adrenal problems and urinary tract infections all in the same individual. They're all highly linked, and any of these will increase your likelihood of having bad menstrual cramps.

Enemas for Menstrual Cramps

To improve your odds, get your colon clean before your period! You can do this the quick-and-easy-don't-have-eat-differently way with daily enemas. While an enema is uncomfortable for a short time (like, five minutes), it is much less uncomfortable than menstrual cramps.

I've had migraines, menstrual cramps and severe stomach cramps easily relieved with a simple process that only takes twenty minutes from start to finish, including all cleaning up. Most of that time is spent pooping. Hurray!

If you're not keen on enemas (which most people aren't, so don't feel bad), you can still clean out your colon by eliminating dehydrating foods from your diet (as described above) and consuming a diet rich in fiber, antioxidants, minerals, vitamins, and water content. For extra colon-cleaning kick you can drink psyllium husk in water, chia seeds in water, aloe juice, rehydrated and blended prunes, and magnesium-citrate in water.

Foods for Menstrual Cramps

Besides cleaning your colon, you can add foods rich in antioxidants that specifically combat menstrual cramps. The most effective foods I've found are as follows (from most effective to partially helpful):

• Raspberries, thawed from frozen or fresh
• Oranges, with pith (not orange juice)
• Raspberry-leaf tea with a pinch of licorice
• Cucumber-celery-kale-lemon juice, freshly made at home
• Pomegranate arils, whole (not store-bought pomegranate juice)
• Blueberries, thawed from frozen or fresh
• Cucumber sliced, peeled, with organic, unsweetened mustard
• Celery ribs and peeled carrots
• Romaine lettuce, plain, washed thoroughly to remove natural latex coating
• Grapefruit and other whole citrus (not store-bought juices)
• Kiwi, pineapple, mango and other water-rich fruits excepting pears and apples

Some people may find it difficult to eat only the above foods, but I recommend trying it if you have severe menstrual cramps. If you feel the need to include other foods you might try adding a little flax oil to a salad of mostly lettuce, apple and celery. You might have some rolled oats with hot water and raspberries. You might have a little rice (very thoroughly chewed!) with dinner.

You'll find recipes below to give you more ideas.

Essential Oils for Menstrual Cramps

I've also found aroma therapy to be a quite useful tool for going into the menstrual cramps and healing them from within through conscious focus on sensory input and bodily feelings.

In particular, these are the most helpful essential oils for menstrual cramps, listed from most effective to marginally helpful. You can use these to massage the area, or to simply inhale and focus inward. Using oils as a gateway to internal presence is a powerfully helpful form of consciousness alchemy.

• Helichrysum
• Wintergreen
• Marjoram
• Ginger
• Rose
• Chamomile
• Peppermint
• Cinnamon
• Lavender
• Clove
• Eucalyptus globulus
• Ylang-ylang
• Clary sage
• Geranium
• Yarrow
• Motherwort

Use the above oils before and during your period for less menstrual cramping, increased circulation, decreased stress, and improved hormonal balance. A blend including some combination of the following is very helpful to smell while you're experiencing cramps: helichrysum, wintergreen, rose, chamomile, peppermint, cinnamon, and clove.

While experiencing pre-menstruation symptoms such as anxiety, a blend including some of the following is particularly helpful: rose, chamomile, peppermint, lavender, eucalyptus globulus, ylang-ylang, and clary sage.

All month you may find balancing, soothing help from marjoram, clary sage, geranium, rose, ylang-ylang, yarrow, motherwort, and ginger. These can be massaged onto your abdomen and thighs as well as being breathed in through "tented" hands for aroma therapy.

Your Delighted & Delightful Period Protocol

So here's a review of what to do to make your period go smoothly:

• Treat your menstruation as a time of introspection and relaxation.
• Avoid commons stress-inducing factors in your life.
• Drink at least a half-gallon of water per day, starting on day 26 of your cycle.
• Switch to sheets, towels, underwear, pants, etc, that are either black or that you're unconcerned about staining.
• Consume no dehydrating foods (nuts, seeds, meat, dairy, eggs, sweeteners, coffee, alcohol, etc).
• Three days prior to your period begin eating recipes made up of nothing but fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, cold-pressed flax oil (or hemp or chia oil), sprouts, spices, vinegar and sea salt. Recipes below.
• Fresh ginger before your period, but not during.
• Include at least one vegetable juice in the day prior to your period and one the first day of your period. Emphasize celery and cucumber in this juice.
• Lay down and cover your eyes while you're experiencing menstrual cramps, then begin breathing in essential oils (as listed above) and focusing on your bodily experience.
• Do an enema the night before you expect your period to arrive.
• Drink a shot of aloe juice every morning and night starting two days before you expect your period to help clean out your intestines.
• Stock your kitchen with foods that are going to make you feel uplifted, energized, hydrated and balanced. (See below for details on this.)

Stock Your Refrigerator & Kitchen Appropriately

The week you're expecting your period, change your grocery-shopping habits. Your body is going on a cleanse whether or not you want to. Resisting the cleanse will make it a painful experience. Going into the cleanse with your feelings, your diet, your environment, your behaviors and your thoughts will make it flow smoothly and easily – as it is meant to!

There is a lot in this article about what not to eat and what to eat. Here are some photos I've taken of my various kitchens are various times over the past few years to give you an idea what your counters and refrigerator might look like while you're cleansing.

Refrigerator door – notice the aloe juice!

Recipes

Raspberries for Inward Focus

• 10 ounces raspberries, thawed from frozen
• ½ cup hot rolled oats or unsweetened cashew yogurt or unsweetened coconut yogurt or chia seeds hydrated in water
• 1 pinch cardamom, ceylon cinnamon or allspice

Stir cool, thawed raspberries with your other chosen ingredients. Consume as many as thirty ounces of raspberries on the first day of your period for increased clarity of mind and relaxed abdominal muscles.

Apple Slices Delight

• 2 apples, sliced
• 1 dash cinnamon (ceylon or cassia)
• 1 pinch cardamom
• 1 pinch nutmeg
• 1 pinch cloves
• 1 pinch turmeric
• 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

Put all ingredients as evenly over the apple slices as you can. Enjoy.

Carob pudding garnished with a cacao bean*

Carob Pudding

• 2 bananas, ripe, peeled
• 2 teaspoons to 2 tablespoons raw carob powder
• 2 pinches vanilla powder (optional)

Mash bananas with a fork. Add carob and vanilla and fold into the bananas. Continue to mash for about a minute. Then eat and savor.

Often I make banana carob-cacao pudding. *Cacao tends to make menstrual cramps worse, so leave this out when on your period!

Pear-Ginger Medley

• 2 pears, ripe, cubed
• ½-inch ginger root, peeled, minced
• ¼ cup dried mulberries or 1 tablespoon raw honey
• 1-2 dashes cinnamon
• 1 pinch cloves and/or cardamom and/or turmeric and/or allspice
• 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice (optional)
• 1 dash vanilla powder (optional)

If using honey, combine honey with minced ginger and spices first, then stir with pear cubes. If using mulberries, simply add all ingredients to the bowl and stir. While stirring, allow the pears to be somewhat mashed, lending their juices to the ginger, spices and mulberries.

Chia Pudding (center), Banana-Carob Pudding (in the glasses)

Orange-Chia Pudding

• 3 orange's juice
• 1 lemon's juice (optional)
• 1 teaspoon raw honey or 2 tablespoons dried mulberries (optional)
• 1 pinch vanilla powder (optional)
• ½ cup chia seeds

Juice oranges and lemon with hand-juicer or citrus juicer. Stir in honey, mulberries and vanilla powder. Add chia seeds and stir. Let set in fridge for at least two hours. Enjoy!

Probiotic Salad

• 10 ounces chopped romaine lettuce, or 1 head, chopped
• 5-10 ounces spring mix, baby kale or spinach
• 2 apples, diced or 1 cup cherry tomatoes cut in half
• 2 scoops Akea powder or other probiotic powder
• 1 teaspoon adobo (optional)
• 3 tablespoons flax oil
• 1 lemon's juice or 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar (optional)
• 5 sheets nori, torn into little pieces
• 1½ tablespoons dill seeds (optional)

Put greens and apples or tomatoes into a large salad bowl. Sprinkle all powders over the top. Add flax oil so that it combines with most of the powders. Add vinegar or lemon juice. Add dill seeds, nori and other desired toppings (such as chopped dried apricot).

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Universal Human Needs

Abraham Maslow created a concept called the hierarchy of needs, placing physical needs such as “eating” at the base of the hierarchy, then “safety” above that, and then “belonging” above that. This theory purports that someone who can’t meet their physical needs will not be worried about feeling safe or feeling a sense of belonging.

I disagree with Maslow’s concept for one very strong reason: As a child, all of our needs are dependent on being loved by our parents. The younger the child, the stronger that dependency. This means that our most fundamental programming is, “I must be lovable,” because without that, we wouldn’t survive past childhood. The more conditional the love of the parent, the more deeply this concept will impact the child. If the parents were fairly loving regardless of the child’s choices, then the child will grow up feeling freer to “just be themselves.”

Regardless of the hierarchy of the needs in question, we all have the same basic, underlying needs. (We, of course, develop specific needs according to our childhood traumas. Someone with enmeshment trauma will have a strong need for space and independent decision-making as an adult, and this will need to be honored in order for them to heal. The needs of someone with abandonment trauma will be quite different.)

Stephen Reiss identified sixteen universal needs as a result of surveying thousands of people. Before I’d heard of Stephen Reiss’s work, in 2016 I wrote about my needs like this:

“To be heard. To be seen. To be valued, cared for, thought of. I crave people because I crave my own existence, and I feel my own breathing, resounding reality best when others affirm its reality with their response. I don’t need my friends to agree with me. I don’t need them to come at my beck and call. But I do need them to truly see me for who I am, value me for who I am, and care about my feelings.”

When I read Reiss’s work, I was confused where my desperate need to be seen fit in. Perhaps this comes under his category of “acceptance” which is described as “the need to be appreciated.” But I wouldn’t use those words to describe it at all. Merely being accepted doesn’t mean I was understood. Even when someone says, “I know,” they rarely actually grok what I have just communicated. And merely being told “I appreciate it,” when I do something nice for someone doesn’t give me fulfillment.

Would Reiss put my need to feel seen under “social contact” or “social status”? Simply being in contact with others doesn’t make them understand me. In fact, simple contact with others often leaves me feeling more lonely and isolated than ever because it proves to me how difficult a task it is to be authentic and simultaneously be socially conscientious. And while I find social status – significance – to be something else I crave, I find it hard to imagine that being understood falls under the scope of being significant. I could have social significance as an incredible painter of great skill who makes beautiful paintings without a single person ever understanding my paintings!

If we assume that Reiss had the final say on what all the universal needs of humans are, we could then assume that my personal desire to be understood is not a universal need . . . But with so many people feeling chronically lonely, closed-up, shut-out, shut-off, and isolated, I think it is fair to say that people are craving the deep, vulnerable connection that I’m craving. That said, the list you’ll find below has many overlaps with Reiss’s list, but is not identical.

Intimacy — the need to be heard, seen, felt, and understood by others.

Praise — the need to be appreciated through verbal or kinesthetic communication.

Curiosity — the need to gain knowledge.

Nourishment — the need for food or other material sustenance.

Family — the need to take care of one’s offspring and/or to be close to others and share burdens.

Honor — the need to be faithful to the values of one’s culture.

Justice — the need for a sense of balance, and rightness. This includes a need for vengeance, even if this is only acted upon in one’s imagination in order to create an emotional sense of balance.

Identity — the need to be distinct, and capable of relying on oneself.

Expectation — the need for prepared, established, and conventional environments and interactions.

Exertion — the need for diverse, vigorous physical movement.

Power — the need for a sense of control, particularly of oneself.

Sexuality — the need for mating, sex, orgasm, and/or expression of one’s sexual nature.

Preservation — the need to accumulate or preserve things, values, and/or places.

Socialization — the need for relationships with other people.

Significance — the need for social recognition, status, and/or appreciation.

Safety — the need to feel secure, protected, peaceful, and/or tranquil.

I still have a lot more to explore and contemplate about this, and hence, this article is still incomplete. (Updated July 22nd 2021.)

13 Ancient Terms for Love, Lust, Attraction & Affection

If you read books like Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving, and Neal Walch's Conversations with God, and Miguel Ruiz's The Mastery of Love, you'll find mixed definitions of love. All of the definitions are right, but we're using one word to mean too many things. The kind of love that saved Harry Potter from Voldamortz's spell, for example, is not the same kind of love you experience when we talk about "falling in love."

It is important to note that most of these terms have a positive connotation and a negative connotation, which is determined by context. Most of these terms are not inherently good or bad. While agape clearly has a positive connotation, epithumia has no positive or negative connotation.

Ancient Terms for Love, Lust, Attraction & Affection

Philautia (feel-ow-tee-ah) — Self love, confidence, healthy pride.

Instead of saying, "She has an abundance of self-love," you can say, "She has an abundance of philautia," or "She is philautian."

Narcissism (nar-siz-siz-m) — Self-obsession, greed, vanity (the negative flipside of philautia).

Instead of saying, "They've become entirely self-obsessed," you can say, "They've become narcissistic."

Agape (aw-gaw-pay) — Unconditional love, godly love, spiritual love (similar to caritas).

Instead of saying, "He is working toward unconditional love," you can say, "He is improving his capacity for agape."

Caritas (kari-tas) — Charitable, giving love; love of all mankind (similar to agape).

Instead of saying, "I was feeling charitable," you can say, "She was feeling caritas."

Philia (feel-ee-ah) — Fondness for friends and family, feeling affectionate.

Instead of saying, "I love my brother," you can say, "My bother and I share deep philia."

Platonic (pl-ah-ton-ik) — Strong fondness, usually between friends, without any epithumia.

Instead of saying, "We enjoyed a friendly date," you can say, "We enjoyed a platonic date."

Mania (mane-ee-ah) — In a negative sense: Possessive, stalking, jealous "love"; in a more positive sense: Intense need and desire for the presense/praise/sex/touch of a specific person

Instead of saying, "She became crazily interested when she saw him," you can say, "She fell right into mania when she saw him."

Pragma (prag-ma) — Chosen affectionate love for pratical purposes (the sort of love that develops in an arranged marriage between two people who don't romantically "click")

Instead of saying, "They've learned to love each other," you can say, "They've developed pragma."

Storge (store-gaye) — Slow-building, committed friendship where sex may or may not be part of the relationship.

Instead of saying, "Their friendship and commitment deepened over time," you can say, "They found storge together."

Ludos (loo-dos) — Uncommitted romance which may be conquest-style (game playing, uncommitted, flirty, having fun in the moment).

Instead of saying, "He was a player," you can say, "He tended toward ludos."

Eros (Air-oh-s) — Passionate attraction, "crazy love"; not necessarily physical, yet usually including physical attraction.

Instead of saying, "She was passionately interested," you can say, "She erosed."

Epithumia (ep-ee-thoo-mee-ah) — lustful desire, which may be benevolent/good or irrational/harmful.

Instead of saying, "I went through a phase of lusting after every girl I saw," you can say, "I went through a phase of epithumia."

Limerence (lim-er-ence) — involuntary, obsessive attraction; a strong crush.

Instead of saying, "He had an obsessive crush," you can say, "He was limerent."

If you enjoyed this post you'll enjoy my New Age Dictionary. This special dictionary contains words essential for transforming our culture into one that supports healthy habits, lifestyle choices and emotionally supportive environments. Heinlein's book, Stranger in a Strange Land, presents the concept that you can't bring about higher capacities in humans without higher comprehension, and to create this comprehension, we need to start with our language. We think in our language, which makes the words we use – and how we understand them – essential to creating lasting, beneficial change.