Raederle

Let me start with the cliché – what is love? This trite question has all kinds of answers. Personally, I've found that it is important to distinguish between unconditional love – god's love, enlightened love, etc – and the typical "every day" love as we know it. What is unconditional love? Unconditional love is pure appreciation. Unconditional love has no judgments, resentments, or barter. Most of us have only tasted unconditional love for brief bursts of time. Even parents have conditions on the expression of their love to their children. What is conventional love? Our typical love is all about investments and attachments. The more invested we are in someone, the more attachment we have to them – the more we have "at stake" in our relationship with them. When we say we "love" someone, usually what we mean is that we have a tremendous fear of losing our investment in that someone. We come to invest in people that we see high potential in,...

Ask Raederle Question: My girlfriend has been dating others behind my back. Should I give polyamory a try? I have been dating a girl for about a year. I was brought up being taught that monogamy is right. After dating my current girlfriend for 11 months I found out that she had dated several other guys throughout our relationship. I was upset and hurt. I felt like I wasn't that important to her and told her so. She said she loved me but has always liked having more than one partner. She feels that people can love more than one person in a romantic way. She didn't tell me that about herself because she thought I wouldn't be with her if I'd known. Do you think it was wrong of her to hide her polyamory from me and date other people without me knowing? Should give that type of a relationship a chance? Do you think it selfish of me to expect her to be monogamous because I have always been that way? I talked to a friend of mine who said that morality is subjectiv...